A History • Posts Tagged ‘tired’

Basically a super awesome super busy weekend. 

It was nice, but I am so tired from doing so many things. 

Music bingo, adult sleepover, working, murder mystery party, cleaning, watching tv, drag show, and now I get to sleep in my own bed after two nights away! 

I forgot how much I hate not sleep in my bed for more than one night. 

Sad I was so tired at the Murder Mystery I didn’t really participate, reason for being tired was pretty (very) worth it though. ;)

Also keep forgetting that I’m actually still in school and therefore need to study. 

I seriously completely forgot this weekend until I started thinking about Monday and remembered I have no class. 

Still sad it’s not warm enough for a beach day, but it sounds like I’ma go have a roast beef dinner at my moms so that’ll super awesome. 

I have this fantasy of just going to the beach after class with my text books and studying and hanging out in the sun. Still hasn’t happened. :(

Basically gonna fall asleep at the computer. 

I just want one pic of my nice looking makeup, but the lighting is dreadful. Blah. :(

Having the weirdest pizza craving. Must hit up the Joint soon. 

Anyway, good night tumblr. 

I am so stressed. 

Best friend is leaving to go back to Ontario tomorrow. 

I basically don’t have enough money for school and rent, but I’m not sure what to do about it. 

I hate my job so I don’t want to work more but I can’t seem to get a new one. 

I need a vacation & some family time. 

I miss my sister :(

I hate that she just left like that and will barely speak to me. 

I hate it. 

I hate that I’m such a fucking emotional wreck I don’t even know how I feel. 

I hate that I am an emotional wreck. 

I really just want to sleep but I’m so upset I can’t. 

I really want to go out for a nice breakfast/brunch tomorrow with Sam but I can’t afford it… but I want it so much. 

I feel like I fucked up my entire academic career and I hate myself for it. 

It’s so fucking dumb. I’m so smart. Why don’t I care? Why don’t I try? This entire system is making me very unhappy and depressed. 

I’m so scared about everything. 

Ugh. 

Just remembered I’m on my period. I actually totally forgot until this moment. 

Excuse me while I go sleep until Monday. 

Thoughts.

Random couple from Swing invited me to their wedding… not sure how I feel about this… don’t know them that well, probably won’t go. It was a facebook invite. I am not doing that for my wedding. Everyone is getting a motherfucking invitation in the fucking mail I do not care what kind of technology exists at that point. It just has to be fucking old fashion and classy and shit. 

I think it was way to soon to start talking to a boy about fandoms. Probably thinks I’m crazy now. I am crazy. 

Best friend is visiting from Ontario again. Can’t stand the thought of her going, but I know I won’t miss her much when she’s gone. Life is so strange like that. 

I am seriously wondering what I am doing with myself. I honestly sort of hate school now and feel like I’m just learning the same shit with different names. 

Also, sort of experiences a lot of self-loathing because I know I am super fucking smart, as smart as the smartest kid in the class if I wanted to be but I just don’t give a fuck and get C’s and B’s all over the place and now I can’t get a masters cause I did so poorly. 

I sort of hate myself. I don’t want to think about this too much because it’s too upsetting. It’s honestly just like, I know I am smart enough to get good grades so why the fuck don’t a grow up and just get them instead of fucking around all the time? 

Ugh. :(

Guys at swing keep hitting on me/flirting with me/asking me out and I don’t know what to do about it. I honestly don’t want to date anyone from swing because then I’d have to see them every week and if they really liked me and I didn’t really like them it’d be super fucking awkward. Plus I’d feel really weird about asking them to dance if that happened because I’d be afraid they were reading too much into and I’d just be thinking like, no, you’re just a really fucking good dancer, geez. 

Actually more boys have noticed me in general since I dyed my hair red

Date Friday. I think I’ll start mentally going through my wardrobe well in advance. Like seriously, about right now. Although I don’t know where we’re going so I should probably plan a more casual outfit and a more dressy outfit. Or not give a fuck and just wear whatever the hell I want and look fab. That’s always fun too. 

I know it’s probably weird that I talk about planning outfits for things well in advance, but I actually really enjoy it. I love getting dressed up and doing my hair and makeup to have a certain look, I imagine it as a costume almost, like this is what I’m going for then I interpret it to what I like/feel comfortable in and I’m super happy doing it usually. 

I have the weirdest outlets for creativity. 

Should probably post some more nudes soon. I keep gaining and losing followers so quickly! I keep almost reaching 620 then people unfollow me and I’m like losers :P.

Not sure what to do about the red hair. I need to do my roots very soon, as in this week kind of soon, but I’m really fucking broke right now so I don’t want to spend like $20 on the dye… but I love my red hair. Oh dear. 

Also, anyone else notice how my glasses match my hair almost perfectly. I want to just wear an outfit that is entirely red one day. 

Glasses, makeup, clothes, hair accessories etc. 

I would look like a giant berry or something. I’d be awesome. 

On season 6 of Murder, She Wrote. Still completely obsessed with this show. I wish Jessica were my aunt. I want her wardrobe.

Brain slightly fried. Had so much fun at swing tonight and I’m sad there will be no more dancing till Wednesday. THAT’S AN ENTIRE WEEK AWAY GUYS.

I wish swing weren’t cancelled sat. I wish I was going to Blues on Friday. Sigh. 

Random observation: Led Zeppelin and White Stripe songs are soooo sexy sounding to me. Something about the twanginess? Like damn. I love it. Some blues songs sometimes have a similar effect on me. 

Blues is sort of a really fucking sexy kind of partner dancing. Like that’d make such a hot date. Ugh. 

Must sleep though. 

Think I got everything down, sort of. Goodnight. 

Quantitative research paper is causing me extreme stress.

I have to work with statistical outputs from stata.

First, I’ve barely worked with stata at all, it’s super fucking confusing after I’ve spent two semesters learning spss.

It’s like my brain stops being able to interpret the data as soon as it’s put in a new format, like what? You know this shit brain, really.

Second, I’ve never done an assignment that didn’t include at least 3 primary or secondary sources. I’m just not getting how I am supposed to write 6 pages on statistical outputs, I have nothing to say about them. I do not care (probably my biggest problem).

It’s so stressful when you work ridiculously hard at something and think you can understand what’s going on, but as soon as you’re thrown into it alone you’re totally lost. I wish, really really wish, my brain understood this stuff better and that it made sense to me, but honestly, I just don’t get stats at all and it is certainly not from lack of trying.

I just want to go home and climb into bed and cry.

It doesn’t help that my allergies are acting up all over the place and I have this horrible headache.

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